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“Attitude Trumps Fact”

Paula Kaye • Oct 28, 2020

Keeping Positive Through the Toughest of Times 

This isn’t a blog I planned to write but seeing the impact Covid has had on so many in the hospitality sector and the increasing number of people being made redundant I wanted to share my redundancy experience in the hope it may help even one person going through the same thing.

In October 2016 I left Bettys and Taylors of Harrogate after 31 years of service, as a restructure meant my role as Catering and Retail Director was made redundant. When things happen that you have no control over, the only thing you can control is your response and attitude, and after such a long career with the business it was important to me to end well. 

In the first week of my redundancy we received news that put everything in perspective. We found out the cancer my mother had removed some months earlier had returned and this time it was terminal, this made my redundancy feel much less significant or important. It reminded me what really matters in life is spending time and creating memories with family and friends you love, the rest as they say is just noise.

Developing a positive mindset in the very worst of times may sound like odd advice but when you think about the alternatives such as becoming bitter, getting upset, feeling angry or ashamed or letting fear and the negative narrative in your head take over this approach will help you keep your peace.

Below I have shared some advice and approaches that helped me get through this difficult time in my life, I hope anyone who finds themselves facing redundancy finds them useful:

1. It is the role and not you that is being made redundant it is all too easy to lose your sense of value and worth and to feel like its personal, it really isn’t so remind yourself of this when you start to doubt it.

2. Be kind to yourself and recognise that you are going through a change process and you need to be able to go through each stage of change and allow time to do this. If you can get help to navigate through this, I would recommend getting it. I had a coach who was invaluable at supporting me through this process.

3. Its ok to not be fine make sure you are being honest with friends and family about how you are feeling and ask for help when you need it. I could not have got though this without the support and help of my sister, my husband, my children, my mum, my niece, and my friends.

4. People generally want to help and support other people if they can, look at your network and identify who may be able to offer some help and advice it might be support with your CV or your linked in profile or to make some relevant introductions, you will be heartened by the generosity of others.

5. Take one day at a time and set yourself realistic goals to achieve. Using the GROW method helped me:

Goals- what is the goal? When by?
Reality -what have you done so far? Challenges? Strengths and skills? What can’t you control?
Options- What could you do? What skills do you need, how will you get them? What else could you do? Go beyond what you have thought of before?
Way forward- When will you take action? What could stop you? Can you overcome these barriers?

6. Focus on what’s for you and not what’s against you, reflect on the great experiences and opportunities that your previous role gave you and how you can transfer these skills to help you secure a new opportunity. Also use this time to rethink and reset or even reinvent yourself as you consider what you want to do and achieve.

7. Remember you are not defined by what you do- I felt like I lost my identity, it took me a long time to realise that this is only a small part of who I am and I needed time to allow myself to work out who I was now.

8. Start planning ahead in days ,30 days to start with then 60 then 100 days from now. Consider what you want to achieve day by day.

I recently attended a webinar where they spoke of an approach developed by Viktor Frankl who said, “when we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves”.   During his lifetime he endured Nazi Concentration camps where his wife, parents and the rest of his family were killed of this he said “ everything can be taken from man but one thing, the last of human freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any situation”.  I can not begin to understand or liken any experience in my life to what he must have endured in the concentration camps, but I do believe that attitude trumps fact every time.  I can take inspiration from his ability to foster a positive outlook even when faced with such extreme hardship.

Using this 3-step approach can help to foster a positive mindset in the most difficult of times:

1. IT IS WHAT IT IS ACCEPT IT (it will either control you or you will control it)

2. HARVEST THE GOOD (there’s good in everything seek and you will find!)

3. FORGIVE THE REST (this means let it go completely, release it)

No matter what is happening to us or around us we can choose a positive picture that will help us spiral up rather than down.
The experience of being made redundant was hard but I can now look back and be grateful that it happened and thankful that with the support and help of friends and family I used it as a positive catalyst for change, it has allowed me to experience and achieve things I never thought possible.  It has also made me stronger and more at ease with who I am and what I value, which has provided me with the courage to step away or call out situations that I am not comfortable or happy with. If you have recently been made redundant it can be difficult to imagine you will ever look back positively on the experience, but I am confident you will. If I had not been made redundant, I would not have had the opportunity to spend quality time with my mother before she died so for that alone I am eternally grateful. 

Sometimes you just have to focus on the positives and believe things will get better, because trust me they will. If I can offer any free support or advice to anyone facing reducucancy or job hunting then please get in touch at paula@boost-consultancy.co.uk.


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